Along this music path, you’re bound to meet people who claim they want to help you succeed. The right mentor can guide you, provide valuable advice, and open doors that help you elevate your career. But just as easily, you could encounter a tormentor disguised as a mentor.
These people might seem like they’re in your corner, but in reality, they’re holding you back, stifling your potential, or even sabotaging your progress.
Understanding the difference between mentors and tormentors is crucial in such a competitive industry.
Here’s how to spot the difference and why it matters.
What is a Mentor?
A true mentor is someone who has your best interests at heart. They are invested in your growth and genuinely want to see you succeed. They offer constructive feedback, share their experiences, and help you navigate the challenges of your career.
In addition to giving you advice, they empower you to make your own decisions and become better at what you do.
Here Are Some Key Traits of a Mentor:
- Genuine Support: They want to see you grow and thrive, not just benefit from your success.
- Experience: They’ve been where you are and have the expertise to guide you.
- Objective Advice: They give you feedback that challenges you to improve, but it’s always in your best interest.
- Respect for Your Vision: They encourage you to stay true to your artistic identity, not force you into a mold that fits their agenda.
Now Let’s Talk about The Other One: A Tormentor
A tormentor, on the other hand, is someone who may appear to be guiding you, but their actions and advice hold you back. They manipulate your trust and use their position to control or discourage you.
Rather than helping you grow, they try to keep you in a box that benefits them. They do this by limiting your potential, taking advantage of your work, or discouraging you from stepping out on your own.
The Traits that Give Them Away Include:
- Conditional Support: They only help you if it benefits them. When the relationship stops serving their needs, they pull back or become critical.
- Lack of Genuine Expertise: They might offer advice that sounds good but lacks real depth, often pushing their personal agenda instead of helping you expand your own.
- Negative Feedback: They consistently put you down or make you feel small, rather than encouraging you to improve in constructive ways.
- Control and Manipulation: They try to control your decisions, and instead of respecting your vision, they impose their own goals onto your career.
Now, How Do Spot the Difference?
This is not always easy, especially early on when you’re desperate for guidance. But there are some red flags you can watch out for:
- They Never Celebrate Your Wins: A mentor will celebrate your successes, no matter how small. A tormentor may downplay or ignore your achievements to keep you feeling insecure.
- They Discourage Independent Thinking: A true mentor encourages you to think for yourself and make your own decisions. A tormentor might push you into decisions without letting you have a voice.
- They’re Focused on Their Own Agenda: If the advice always seems to benefit them more than it benefits you, you’re probably dealing with a tormentor.
- They Keep You Stuck: Mentors help you grow, challenge you, and open doors. Tormentors keep you from reaching your full potential by keeping you stuck in patterns that aren’t serving you.
Discernment is key Skill
Navigating the world of music is tricky, and knowing who to trust with your journey is essential. A true mentor will help you reach new heights, but a tormentor will only leave you stuck in a cycle of self-doubt and missed opportunities. Take the time to evaluate the people around you, and make sure you’re building relationships that truly help you thrive.
